F*cked Up, Drugged Up, Sexed Up, Loved Up


Book cover

“F*cked Up, Drugged Up, Sexed Up, Loved Up – a true story of self-destruction and redemption.”


Emotionally abused by her dysfunctional, Jehovah’s Witness family, Samantha discovered unhappiness as a young child. The various players involved used Samantha as a pawn in their power games and held her in check with emotional cruelty, severely undermining her self-esteem.  Growing up surrounded by dishonesty and hypocrisy, coupled with the Jehovah’s Witness religion and the constant threat of death at Armageddon lead to quite severe bouts of depression. Samantha always had a tendency toward rebellion which resulted in her being unceremoniously kicked out of the religion at the tender age of 18 and estranged from her family.

Free from the restraints of the religion, she began drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs and sleeping around with a series of unsuitable men. On the plus side this lifestyle provided the freedom that Samantha had always craved. Unfortunately the negative effects were self-loathing, frustration and guilt. Feeling that there must be more to life, Samantha began to explore herself and her beliefs. She studied books about healing, the universe and self-love. Samantha began following her heart instead of living to please others.

Still seeking to fill her inner void, Samantha upped sticks and moved to Sinai in Egypt, where she fell in love with Ahmed, a devout Muslim, who encouraged her to convert to Islam. Samantha gave up alcohol and the high life, only to discover that she wasn’t Ahmed’s only wife. Undaunted, she dusted herself down and found herself on the front line of the Arab Uprising,  which gave her a new perspective on life. She finally had something worth fighting for.

Shortly after this Samantha returned to the UK and became sucked back into the corporate world of recruitment.  Another inner conflict ensued as she knew that she wasn’t being true to herself, so after some time she jacked in her job to pursue a writing career and help others learn from her experience. Samantha is still very much involved in the Egyptian liberation. She believes she can help by educating people in the West about the real situation in Egypt.

Samantha’s story is about growing up in a cult and a highly dysfunctional family. She has managed not only to survive but to heal and it is now her intention to share her experience with others who have also been raised in dysfunctional families, extreme religions or cults and help them to heal their own inner voids.

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Saide Harb-Ranero
    Jul 09, 2013 @ 13:11:29

    very interesting story! hopefully you will be posting excerpts! yes? no? maybe?


  2. Misty guess who?
    Jul 28, 2013 @ 20:58:39

    loving you always angel girl ♥


  3. Learning to love myself
    Jul 28, 2013 @ 22:49:59

    Thank you Misty. You too ❤


  4. cristina silva
    Nov 16, 2014 @ 21:18:20

    i almost cried.


  5. linahogg
    Jun 18, 2016 @ 14:10:00

    You are amazing Sam. Blessings. Lina xx


  6. Mandeep
    Jul 14, 2016 @ 11:58:37

    Wow… A lot to have gone through! I look forward to reading your story and see where you’ve come from. You’re a remarkable person 🙂


  7. Trackback: Journal 14th July 2016 | Learning to love myself
  8. Sandra noto
    Apr 14, 2017 @ 19:01:13

    Can’t wait to read your book. Some elements of your childhood touch a nerve with mine. Best of luck x


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